Friday, August 10, 2007

Day 69: in the dark

I'm writing this because I saw Miao's request for updating. My dear, you just have saved a blog's life.

Not only due to the criminally huge amounts of work and a power outage that has gone on for a whole week, but a mounting depression that is fighting to conquer the good parts of my brain.

I guess it happens to everyone, even people who have managed to grasp what we regular mortals call "success"... There is a time when the only light you see at the end of the tunnel is the C train.

I must say it is not a wrist-slashing matter, neither the dreaded "middle-age crisis". No, no, no. I have that dealt with since I was in my 30's. It's being stuck in this stinky rat-hole without a chance to throw everything to the dogs just because I'm tied by my household responsibilites. Were I single, I would've quit this shitty place months ago, but I decided, years ago, that I wasn't gonna let my partner suffer for any bad decisions I had made.

But going back to the original point, I've been fighting depression for around a month now. What pisses me is that I'M NOT A DEPRESSIVE PERSON. I hadn't been this blue since my 20's, for God's sake! But still here I am, fighting with all my might these horrible sensation of having become a total loser, unable even to tie her shoes right.

Sigh) Anyway, as I said before, I'm not the only one, and people around me (well, my beloved ones, I mean) are not guilty of this. They are not foreced to bear this burden. Sooner or later, I will rise again, like the fiery Phoenix.

I'll try to keep you updated.

And again, THANKS, MIAO!

6 comments:

YosoyineS said...

Hey girl, don't let them fucking annoy you. You hear me? Head up, and try as much as you can to find another job.

For your own health. Fingers crossed for you!!

Lots of kisses!!

The Usual Stuff said...

Thanks a lot, Ines. These details are the kind of things that keep me fighting the good fight. Hugs and kisses for you too

Miao said...

Wow... I'm so flattered that I got a special mention on your blog. :D All I did was to request for an update! I guess it just goes to show that the simplest gestures can still go a long way (I hope it did go a long way for you!).

Well, try your best to find another job... An employee of your calibre shouldn't have any problem in this area! :) Once you've secured another job, you can quit your current one immediately. Maybe you should try to ask your boss to let you take a short break too (I know all bosses are evil so chances are that your boss probably won't agree, but I guess it doesn't hurt to try?), it's not good if you go on like this with so much pressure. Detrimental to both your physical and mental health!

Hope everything will work out for you eventually!

The Usual Stuff said...

Again, miao, I have not enough words to thank you for your support. Indeed, the small things can move kingdoms. And I'm following your advice and taking two days off next week.

I keep looking for another job. Hope yours are going ok.

May the blessings of the universe be with you always =)

Miao said...

I'm in university now! :D Not working anymore.

All the best!

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