Sunday, December 20, 2009

Only "Good" will never be good enough for me.

I just received my first performance evaluation and I was pissed as hell. For starters, the categories were "Needs to Improve", "Sufficient", "Good" and "Exceptional". No "Very Well" category, which already means evaluator is ready to minimize employees' performance.

I was told that getting all the "Goods" and one "Exceptional" was more than OK compared to other employees but, after wearing my ass off to exceed my last years' performance and obtaining an "E" for something any barely competent secretary can do, my poor ego was really beaten. I'm a teacher, for God's Sake!

On the other hand, the evaluator's inability to answer the straight question about what to do in order to exceed expectations really kicked my ass. How come the one evaluating cannot provide an answer to that? Isn't there a checklist of the things to be done to be granted a certain evaluation or was this done based on a whim?

And to cap it all, no one around was able to understand that I hate mediocrity. Wherever I go, I want to be the one to be bested, the cream of the crop, the ultimate winner, and not because of the acknowledgement provided by my superiors -that comes as a plus- but to fulfill that extremely competitive area of my personality which craves on feeling superior to others in the only fields that my intelect finds relevant. Money, status, popularity and the likes are not as important to me as succeding in "doing things right". My "Being Someone" is related to "Performing As No Other", even if there is no applause from the crowd. But I cannot grant myself my own "Inner Cookie" if I am still stuck in the middle of a gray crowd.

I granted myself one cookie, though. Being who they are, the fact that all my students wished me Merry Christmas with big smiles the last day of School made my ego soar.

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